Ever Dance With the Devil, Baby?
by kao-dreams
Summary: When I promised to stick by him through anything, I really meant it. But even more than that, I would become his release. Itachi x unnamed lover.


I was born an unfit Uchiha.

It is a mother's duty to be good to her daughter and teach her how to be a woman, and yet my mother left me too early to truly begin fulfilling this role. Left to the hands of my father, I was both spoiled and unloved. I didn't know, then, what his opinion on me was, besides the fact that I was an irreplaceable thing of his. Mistaking it for love, it created a sense of false security and happiness.

I was glad to train until I passed out, dehydrated and hungry, and then denied dinner because I didn't complete the task I'd been assigned. I was ashamed of myself and willingly accepted the punishment, going so far as to train further at night so that, come the next day, I would please him and earn a spot at our dinner table, which rarely happened — only when I became _adequate_.

Nothing I did could satisfy my father enough. However, he gave me things, like dream catchers and snow globes, and these I mistook for caring because he always gave them to me as rewards. He said they were my mother's — she collected them before she died for many, many years, but not so many that she might be considered old. No, my mother was a young and beautiful woman until her last breath, though this was something I only knew based on what he told me. He never kept pictures.

He asked me if I would become half the woman my mother was, and I breathlessly answered, "I will go above and beyond," tired from six non-stop hours of trying to get my sharingan to activate.

That was the first time he hit me. A hard slap across my right cheek, throwing my head to the side as a small gasp escaped me. I held in any other sounds of pain and forced the prickly tears to vanish after a couple blinks. I turned my head towards him slowly, only to find that I was already looking at his back.

That was the first time he hit me, but not the last.

-o-

Before the Academy, my room held three snow globes and one dream catcher. These represented the Fire Jutsu I'd mastered. It wasn't right to simply learn. To receive these gifts, it was my responsibility to go above and beyond, just as I'd promised.

I never heard a word about my mother being an excellent ninja from anyone but my father, and of course, I never once thought that he might be making things up. His habit of hiding all things personal came with an obvious advantage that, at a young age, I didn't recognize. I didn't even start to think about things like deception and lies until my Academy days.

After the first one, I didn't get another dream catcher for several years. His reasoning? "Uchiha Itachi has mastered double the jutsu in half the time," he told me coldly when I failed once again at producing the series of small fireballs for the Phoenix Sage Flower Jutsu. I could make one, and then I would spurt pathetic little ash clouds. "For that, you deserve the nightmares."

It surprised me that he didn't take back my dream catcher, but over the next few weeks, I was convinced that he'd done something to my precious mother's dream catcher because the dreams I had that night and every night after were filled with fire and death. I wanted to stop using the fire altogether but he still expected me to be everything I couldn't possibly be so I couldn't.

By the time I'd wised up a little, I realized that what he wanted me to be over everything else was a son. There was no other way to explain his constant reminders of how Uchiha Itachi had done this, or Uchiha Itachi had graduated from that, while I was still on my seventh Fire Jutsu and made slow progress on my eighth.

Until I met the famed Uchiha prodigy, I thought it was all talk to rile me up and make something happen when I felt the pressure of Itachi bearing down on me, but that way of thinking was a load of shit and I knew it even from the first second I laid eyes on him. Charcoal eyes of nothing glazed over me for less time than it took to notice a person fully, which pissed me off a little.

"Think you're better than me?" I demanded, hands on my hips as I stepped out from behind a tree to block Itachi's path. He'd left the Academy and was on his way home, no one to pick him up, and in my mind I was using the excuse of scouting the place out before I would start taking classes there the next day, except he didn't know that so I looked like a random stranger who bore no relation to him whatsoever. Therefore, I was uninteresting.

He sized me up, blinking calmly. "Probably."

Balling my hands into fists, I shouted a battle cry and punched him square in the chest. When that got no reaction, my fury mounted and I quickly went through the hand seals, crying out, "_Katon: Housenka no Jutsu!_" And I was so proud of the four smallish fireballs I blew at him in succession, point blank, without even a cough of ash to top it all off. I'd never done that before!

Then smoke and flames cleared. In front of my feet was a burning log, not a roasted Uchiha Itachi. While my blood was quick to boil in anger, it was gone just as swiftly and I started laughing at myself, falling over with the force of my mirth. I wiped tears from my eyes as I got to my feet, dusting my clothes off, and feeling, for the first time, tears without sadness.

This revelation shocked me enough to forgive Itachi for dodging my attack so easily, and I practically skipped home. I wasn't even thinking about the prize I might receive for the flawless Phoenix Sage Flower Jutsu.

-o-

My memories skip around a lot, but the ones centered on Itachi never seem to change. It scared me when _he_ was the one reminding me of our first encounter in which I was horribly reckless and then completely bonkers. What got the biggest reaction from me, though, was hearing the tale from his end and finding out that he'd stuck around after turning into a log and seen me laughing hysterically for no reason. I always thought he'd forgotten.

At least that gave me a chance to explain to him that I'd laughed over two things. The first was simple. An attack that close-ranged might have seriously injured him and I couldn't _believe_ my stupidity in using it so flippantly, which he scolded me for saying, but I asked sternly if he wanted to hear the rest of it or not, and he backed off.

The second was because out of all I heard from my father, how could I possibly imagine that I would have a chance against such a skilled shinobi? Here he interjected and told me that I was not any lower than he, but my incredulous stare shut him up again. I explained that, _at the time_, all I knew was my father's hyped-up descriptions of every accomplishment Itachi had achieved by age seven.

His modesty was not a quality I condoned, sometimes, because he had every right to be proud of his abilities. He always tried to downplay the stories, yet whenever I saw him training or sparring, I knew it was my father who'd been right in this case. Itachi was incredible — I knew that from day one.

-o-

We never attended the Academy together. He graduated in just one year, the year before I joined.

Despite that, we suddenly started seeing a lot of each other. After that day, I wondered why he was at the Academy when he'd already graduated, when I found out the next day after school. There was a teacher he greatly admired at that school and even when there wasn't anything left for his old teacher to teach, he still hung around for a while longer. I arranged to put myself in a position where I could "run into him" and apologize for attacking him randomly.

He lied, though I didn't know it then. Faced with my unexpected approach and sincere request for forgiveness, he simply used the easiest line he could.

"Who are you?"

My expression fell and I almost started to cry at the total rejection in that statement, but I pulled myself together in an instant, so well that it didn't look like Itachi had even seen my falter. Being around a man all my life had created a mask of an exterior that I usually managed to hold in place, broken only by the worst of emotions. Such as anger, which I'd never been good at controlling and had a lot of — it stacked up over the years, most of it coming from the days my father was less than kind.

I found myself suddenly envious of Itachi who had a real, true family, put together with a mother at its head. Or maybe his father led the family. Either way, he had a mother's affection. That was something I'd never had. Jealousy and resentment forced the next words out of my mouth.

"Who the hell are _you_?"

Itachi's jaw went slack, just the faintest bit. I saw it, and immediately felt embarrassed by my outburst that really didn't make sense following my profuse apologies for being so rude the day before. Furrowing my brow, I shook my head and ran a hand through my black Uchiha hair, pushing back my bangs.

"Forgive me," I found myself saying again with a sigh. The unhealthy emotions slipped away, replaced by my barrier that I quickly regained control of. I told my lips to curl upward and they did, a tiny bit. "I know I'm probably a complete stranger to you, but my name is Uchiha — "

"Itachi-san?"

Both our heads turned toward the intruder who looked taken aback at the scene that he saw upon turning the corner. The older man had never expected to see his star pupil who was so focused on being a ninja in the back of the school with a girl. He stood in open-mouthed shock and then swiftly turned and left without another word. The two Uchihas stared after the man before turning their attention back on each other.

"You are forgiven," Itachi said after a moment. "For whatever it is you're apologizing for."

I smiled crookedly, this time a more real expression. "Don't worry about it, then. Let's just be friends, okay?"

"…"

The Uchiha prodigy looked down at his hand, flexing it palm-up. Then he curled it closed and lifted his eyes to mine. I watched him curiously.

"The path of a ninja is dangerous. The road I am taking will be no easy road. I could die at any time."

"Those are some heavy words for a seven-year-old," I joked lamely, getting no response but a serious stare. He meant it. So I nodded. "I don't offer my friendship lightly. I'll stay by your side until you die."

Something unusual flashed across Itachi's eyes. I couldn't tell what it was before he smirked and said, "That is a heavy promise for a six-year-old."

"It's one I'll keep."

-o-

Where memories of Itachi were etched in stone, those of my father started to fade about a year after he died. Death seemed to take his face, his voice, and his mannerisms along with his human body and soul. Death sucked it all away from me, leaving only the silvery scars that he'd graced me with on particularly bad days. No one could ever tell me why he turned out to be such a man. They said he was born like that.

Why no one stopped him was another mystery I never got the answer to. Following his death, many stepped forward and apologized for not seeing what he was doing earlier, but their eyes spelled their regret as clear as day. They all knew that he beat me, that he pushed me to the point of starvation, and demanded much more than a small girl could give.

However, it was partly because of him that I graduated in a year. Thanks to his constant pressure and Itachi's immense help, at least he had a brief moment of pride the day I was given my genin rank in such a short time. Besides that… I didn't have very many good memories of him. He'd even called my success a fluke fueled only by my training relationship with Itachi, though he didn't know that we'd grown to be very close friends as well.

The one memory I retained the most was of him was seeing a tear slip from just one eye while he made no sound at all. Just a silent tear as he sat in the middle of my mother's empty room. I wondered, if he'd been born cruel, had she been able to change him, at least for a short time, while she was a live? And when I, an imposter who the face of the woman he loved yet acted nothing like her, appeared before him, was I hated all along?

When I, who could never be my mother _or_ a boy, never fulfilled his wishes before he died, did my father die hating me as well?

As much as I resented him, there would always be a part of me that _had_ to love him because, above all else, he was my father. Scars or not, I was a little more fragmented, a little more damaged by his death at the tender age of eight. Without parents, I was supposed to be passed on to my relatives, but their hesitation was a result of the guilt for not stopping my father so I spared them the strain and announced that I would live on my own. Though I didn't mention it aloud, it wouldn't be so much of a difference not to eat for a week or so at a time until I could get enough money from D-rank and C-rank missions.

Itachi was essential to my life at this point. We spent the days when he wasn't busy on missions training, honing our sharingan (which I'd activated shortly after graduating at the Academy) and finding the glaring weaknesses in our extremely similar techniques so they could one day be perfected. After all, he had been a major influence on me and was one of my greatest teachers. That meant his techniques were better than mine, but I had created a few unique jutsu of my own that he'd never seen and these received extensive praise that made me blush so hard, I was probably red from my head to my toes.

I'd never experienced as much love as I got from Itachi.

Well, to be honest, it was just the brotherly sort of love then. He was proud to be teaching me, and I was proud to be his student. We were nearly on par with each other on most days, until he had a fight with his father and suddenly I didn't stand a chance against him.

Being forced back, and back, and back, blow after blow that I couldn't counter, only block to avoid getting stabbed or worse, burned. I dispelled the genjutsu hold he had on me, no time to think about my next move when he threw a ball of fire at me, concealing a kunai, while the entire time I was trapped in another illusion and I didn't realize that there were actually three and I knocked away the middle one, the other two trapping my shirt to the tree that I hadn't even noticed behind me.

Hardly panting, Itachi was quickly in front of me, his dark eyes actually scaring me a little. "Why are you not angry?" he growled.

"W-What?" I stuttered, taken aback. We were friends, yes, and that did mean that his fights were my fights, but I didn't know that I was supposed to be angry at his father, too. "I'm sorry, I just don't know Fugaku-san enough…"

"Not that!" Itachi snarled, slamming his hand onto the bark next to my head. I didn't flinch, knowing that Itachi wasn't the sort of person to hurt me, on purpose or accident if he could avoid it. "Your father. That sorry excuse of a man." His face contorted frighteningly, twisted by rage. "Why are you not angry!"

"He's dead," I told him quietly. "I can't do anything about the past, Itachi-kun…"

His hands grabbed each of the kunai holding me in place and jerked them out of the wood, harder than he needed to, causing him to stumble uncharacteristically. I reached around his waist and pulled him towards me, meaning only to stabilize him but ending up embracing my favorite prodigy.

"Actually, Itachi-kun, I'm sad," I murmured, resting my head on his shoulder.

I heard him suck in a sharp breath, holding in every harsh comment or furious remark he could've made, and hugged me back tightly, for which I would always be grateful, especially when I started crying for no reason I could think of.

-o-

Itachi had always been mine, from the day I so much as heard a whisper of his name. Somehow, he was always meant to be mine. When we were together, he let me entertain this thought, telling me how well I did after training and kissing my forehead, telling me that I'd be a chuunin like him in no time, telling me I'd be a jounin like him in no time, telling me I could never be ANBU.

It hurt when he told me that. "You don't believe in me?" I choked out around the lump in my throat. Through all the support he'd given me, Itachi had never _once_ said I couldn't do something. Except for pee standing up.

But never become ANBU? I was thirteen, a newly made jounin a year after Itachi had earned ANBU status. My progress was much slower these days as the women of the Uchiha clan started to take interest in me, a growing woman. Both of us were maturing, but age had a harsher effect on Itachi who, previously kind and genuine behind his initial barrier, had turned cold and secretive. That wasn't too much of a surprise, since he was ANBU.

Around me, though? He couldn't change like that, out of nowhere!

Itachi narrowed his eyes slightly. "This is not a random change," he said firmly, because either I was really easy to read or I'd accidentally said that out loud. Maybe both. Probably. "You want to become like me? Fine, be ANBU. But I refuse to lose you."

"Lose me?" I repeated in confusion.

Grabbing a rock off the bank, Itachi tossed it perfectly, skipping seven times to the other side of the sunset-colored river we sat by. He shook his head as if it was too difficult to explain. I nudged his shoulder with mine and he looked at me, pleading with his eyes to let it go. As much as I didn't want to, I sighed and placed my head on my knees which I'd drawn up to my chest, facing him.

"I told you I'd stay by your side until the day I die, Itachi-kun," I reminded him softly. "We didn't even have a chance to have the same jounin rank, at least for a little while, because of those women who keep interfering with my training."

He chuckled at the sour face I pulled. "They are only teaching you how to be a lady, which you desperately need."

I pouted. "It's not my fault I was raised as a boy for eight years!" The complaint left a bad taste in my mouth as it left my lips. Any memory of my father was bathed in a bloody background, something I didn't enjoy happening, especially when the blood blocked everything but the hate and the pain. I was glad that Itachi wasn't a mind reader, but just to make sure he wouldn't get in my head at all, I closed my eyes. "Maybe I'll be likeable after they dress me up and shit."

"You swear like a boy, too," Itachi pointed out, and I peeked at him with one eye, not shocked to see that he was smirking a little. It fell away as he considered his next statement, his cheeks going pink that was probably just a trick of the setting sun's light. "And you're likeable as is."

"As a person, maybe," I agreed, thinking that my polite habits and smiles were normally what people found friendly. There was also the fact that I was an Uchiha, and we had somehow gotten a reputation for being just plain awesome. I smiled to myself, quickly dropping it. "But as a girl?"

"As a girl."

Both my eyes were open now, staring into Itachi's completely serious black ones. I slowly lowered my legs, leaning on my left arm to little closer to him.

"So kiss me then."

"I…" he started, nervously, but I cut him off by doing it for him. It was quick and clumsy, my first although maybe it wasn't his. When I released his lips, I stayed close, smelling my cherry lollipop's flavor mixed with his mint tea in the air. I sighed, then moved further back to my original spot.

"See, not pleasant at all," I told him flatly.

Itachi cleared his throat. "I should get home before, um…"

"Before I jump you?" I supplied, tilting my head back to watching Itachi as he got to his feet, more flustered than usual. He stammered uselessly, but I shook my head. "Forget about it if it bothers you so much, Itachi-kun."

"I was going to say, before it gets dark," he snapped unexpectedly. "And if you really wanna know, I enjoyed that! So don't go making assumptions so quickly, understand? You're a beautiful girl. Anyone would kill to have you." His usually polite and more formal way of speaking fell away with his sudden irritation.

"You included?" I asked, flipping over so that I was on my hands and knees, my voice somewhat higher from the shock.

"I would not kill," Itachi said in a low voice, controlling himself, "but if you were mine… You can_not_ understand what you are to me."

Scrambling to my feet before he could get out of my sight, I ran the short distance along the gravel path above the grassy bank we'd been sitting on and loudly shouted, "Itachi-kun!"

He turned half his body around, keeping one foot in place as if he didn't want to talk anymore and wished he was home already. Which was true. The look on his face said everything. Embarrassment, unstable control, and even a faint smile to try and make up for his strange burst of emotions. I grinned at him reassuringly and his body relaxed a little.

"Let's stay together forever!"

-o-

Needless to say, my shock was immense when I found out that Itachi had a brother through someone other than him. It wasn't even on purpose. While I was at the Yamanaka's flower shop, I overheard them commenting on the incredible love between the two Uchiha brothers, especially from the older one, Itachi, since he seemed like such a serious ANBU member. I just about dropped the vase of flowers I was getting for my father's grave.

Why did I have to do this for the first time in six years here and now?

It had been a year since we'd confessed our feelings to each other, and after a visit to his home upon returning from a mission, they fell in love with me, too. They admired my bravery for continuing my mission even though I had a broken leg the entire time as well as my dedication to my team and village, though Itachi had a completely different opinion that I got an earful of while he carried me home on his back. Seeing the connection between me and their son (apparently one of two), they decided to send me a letter of summons the next day.

Arriving at the larger house, I felt a bit intimidated, but Mikoto made me feel at home right away. Whatever Itachi had told them after he walked me home the night before had made a big impression on his parents and they asked if I would think about marrying Itachi.

If anything had been in my mouth at that moment, I would've spit it out like they did in the movies. "W-What, now?" I stuttered in astonishment.

Mikoto, chuckling at my reaction, answered, "No, dear, when you are both ready. For now, you would be his fiancée."

I knew my face had turned red as a tomato. They were making such an obscure offer when I was just nearly fourteen and he was fifteen! But maybe not being trained in clan ways, since I so strongly avoided the clan women who tried to make me into a beautiful flower when I lived for the feeling of a successful mission, had hindered me in this aspect. I had no choice but to nod numbly.

"Excellent!" Fugaku exclaimed, clapping his hands together. "I am honored to have such a skilled kunoichi join our family."

"Di-Did you tell Itachi-kun already?" I asked nervously, fisting the fabric of my pants into my hand.

"Be a bit braver!" said Mikoto suddenly. I blinked but she just smiled back at me, so warm. That smile melted my heart like only a mother's smile could. "You will be calling us okaa-chan and otou-chan, soon! You do not need to be shy."

"I'm not!" I assured her quickly. "This is just… Well, did you?"

"Yes," she replied with a sweet smile this time. "Young love… So innocent. He agreed without hesitation, so his feelings are sure as well. You can find him at his usual training ground, if you would like to see him now."

I nodded to them at the time, hearing them whisper about him being with Sasuke, and I shrugged it off as a friend so I didn't go to see him that day, but if I had, maybe I could've found out a different way. After dropping my vase off at my father's grave, I couldn't muster any words, so I left, seeking out Itachi. Not finding him at the usual place, I started towards the edges of Uchiha territory, wondering momentarily if they weren't even in the Uchiha compound.

Then I heard his voice, and a younger boy's voice, and I knew I'd hit the jackpot. Making sure to be stealthy, I snuck around what sounded like the opposite direction from where they were facing. When I had my back to one of the trees in the clearing they were using, everything went silent. I froze. Had they noticed me?

Just as I was about to risk a glance around the tree, Itachi's face popped up a couple inches from mine. I exhaled sharply, eyes going wide.

"Why are you here?" he demanded. Seeing my horror at being addressed like that, Itachi softened his gaze. "I mean, we were not planning on meeting here. Not that I — "

"Where's your brother?" I cut in, fixing him with a stern glare.

He didn't really care about the glare since it was definitely deserved. Itachi looked away from me, unable to handle the guilt, but I grabbed his head and pulled it back towards me, forcing an answer from his unwilling lips. I would've kissed him then, just for the heck of it, so that I could claim it was an interrogation technique to disturb the flow of things and use that to get him to talk. For some reason, I decided against it, and he talked anyway.

"I told him to hide behind the boulder," Itachi confessed, referring to the giant rock in the middle of the clearing. From the brief glimpse I'd caught of the targets all over, I assumed he was working on his aim, despite it already being as perfect as it could get.

"Am I _allowed_ to see him, after eight years?" My tone had an edge of annoyance and disappointment this time, making him grimace. "Or maybe he's so precious that you wouldn't want me to spoil everything. Because of course, I'm not important enough to meet _the_ most important person in your life."

"It is _not_ like that," he growled, jerking free of my hold and stepping back a bit. Raising his voice, Itachi shouted, "Sasuke! Go home!"

"Why?" the child's voice whined from behind me.

I felt a stab of pain that he was sending his little brother away, even though the younger Uchiha was just a few feet away. My hands gripped the tree tightly, willing myself not to burst out into the clearing just for a quick look at the boy.

"Just do it," Itachi ordered. I heard the grudging groan of Sasuke as he trudged in the direction of their house. He focused on me again, eyes asking for forgiveness.

I really didn't want to give it to him. I really, really didn't. What other secrets did my ANBU fiancée (the word still felt weird — we were so _young_) hold close to his heart, away from me? Maybe I didn't even have a place in Itachi's heart. That was why I didn't matter enough to introduce to his brother.

"Sasuke is innocent," he started, even though I hadn't asked anything, his voice lower and quieter than usual. "He looks at the world with bright eyes and sees opportunity in everything. There are no limits. He runs into things headfirst. He looks up to me and I wish he wouldn't. I am part of something that takes pride in quick, stealthy killing. How can that be something noble and sought-after? Why does Sasuke want to be like _me_?" Itachi's hands curled into fists, nails digging into his palms. "I want him as far from the real me as possible. I want him to see that I am a kind and loving older brother. But underneath…"

"Underneath, you still have love," I told him softly, reached out a hand to touch his cheek. When his eyes broke from their haze, he looked at me, so hopelessly adorable that I couldn't help kissing him this time, slipping my hand to the back of his head and pulling Itachi's lips to mine. I made it a kiss full of emotion, pouring my love into him so that he could have double to give to his brother.

"I understand that Sasuke is very important to you," I murmured, leaning my forehead on his when we pulled apart. "It's okay. I don't have to meet him until you feel like you've given him enough love to last through anything."

Even though I still didn't completely understand everything, I could see how much it meant to Itachi to hear those words. He sighed against my lips, kissing me many more times that day, with so much intensity that I fought not to cry. I never knew Itachi had so much bottled up inside of him, so much to give to me, so much to force into hiding, never to escape.

No wonder he'd started to change after joining ANBU who were so strict with emotions. With no release, this was what Itachi had become. Well, when I promised to stick by him through anything, I really meant it.

But even more than that, I would become his release.

-o-

"You killed him."

Itachi didn't miss a beat in his training rhythm even as I showed up at the edge of the clearing, arms crossed to stop the shaking. I leaned against a tree so that my legs wouldn't give out. He went on with his routine as if I hadn't said a word, his cold attitude stinging.

"Itachi."

My voice commanded his attention, even harsher with the dropped honorific. When he didn't give it to me, I sent my fire whips at him, dispersing the fire when the hidden wires managed to wrap around him. I pulled him towards me with a hard jerk, spinning so that it was his back against the tree. His eyes met mine. It was a strange sort of relief to see that they were black, not red.

"I don't care if you did," I told him shakily, "I just want you to tell me the truth."

"Shisui committed suicide," he said. "That is all there is to the story."

Tightening the wires around Itachi, I could see that they bit into the skin on his neck, making him uncomfortable enough to switch out with a log and appear behind me. His warmth on my back, his breath on my neck, he whispered to me, "There is nothing more I can say on this matter."

Reaching behind me, I grabbed a fistful of his hair, keeping him there while I turned to face him, our noses centimeters away from touching. "I'm going to be the woman you spend the rest of your life with, Itachi," I reminded him darkly. "How is it going to feel when the secrets start eating you up inside and you can't tell me? I am the _one_ person — "

He snaked an arm around my waist, cutting me off when he forced my body hard against him, holding me so securely that I couldn't tell where I ended and he started. Itachi let out a sigh that sounded infinitely more miserable when it was so close to my ear.

"You are a woman roped into marrying the prodigy of the Uchiha clan. There is renewed hope for you if you are part of my family. Why should you say no to such an offer? Therefore, you are the not one person. For me, that is my brother."

_Sasuke is above me?_ I beat my emotions down, still motionless in Itachi's tight hold. "Why did you say yes, if that's what you think of me?" I muttered.

"Because I love you."

Peeling myself away from him, I shook my head at Itachi, lowering my eyes away from his face. "You don't. If you did, you'd be able to see how much I want _you_, I love _you_, I need _you_. Not your status or your family, Itachi-kun. You." I looked back up at him with a sad smile. "When you understand that I am here for _you_, then I'll believe that you love me, but don't go saying it so easily without meaning."

"Wait," he shouted as I started back towards the compound. Surprised by the pleading tone of his voice, I halted, placing a hand on the tree I'd stopped next to, waiting. "I know that! I have known all that. But it is impossible to… When I am who I am, it is impossible to admit love."

"It's not," I retorted, whipping around. "It's not impossible! You are loved, Itachi-kun! Admit it to yourself and be _happy_ for once! Where did you smiles go? You say it's ANBU's fault, that I shouldn't even consider that place, but you know what I think? I think it's you! You refuse to be happy. Please, smile. For me."

I wiped away my angry tears, continuing when he stood up a little straighter, letting me know that something I was saying was getting through to him.

"I want you to live how _you_ want, not how everyone tells you to. Do what's right for you. Smile, because that's what _you_ want to do. And if that's not good enough, then think that you're smiling because I'm fucking ordering you to! Maybe you'll listen better to that! For _fuck's sake_, Itachi-kun, when you're feeling down, _don't go and kill your best friend!_"

Breathing hard, I felt my knees finally give out and I fell to the forest floor. Itachi used Body Flicker to be at my side in an instant, his usual concerned nature showing through his mask.

"Are you — ?"

"No, I'm not okay!" I snapped, accepting his support to stand back up. Feeling all my anger at him and the stupidity he seemed to have caught from being ANBU explode to the surface, I quickly forced a bruising, needy kiss on him, hoping that I wouldn't accidentally release a Fire Jutsu and burn him with all the unhappiness pouring off of me in waves. His eyes were wide in shock when I pulled away, my brow still furrowed, but the look of complete bewilderment on his face made me start laughing.

Itachi watched me try to control my laughter, and when I did, I just smiled at him again and kissed him again and again and again and then we were both on the grassy ground, leaves in his hair because I was on top. Grinning at the confused Uchiha prodigy, I settled myself on top of him, my head resting on his chest.

"Did you mistake sake for another drink or something?" he asked me incredulously.

"No," I giggled, shifting a little further up so that I could nuzzle his neck. "Women have their moments of mood-swings, alright? Get used to it."

"I have a mother," he reminded me with a small smile.

The sight of his smile made me so ecstatic that I had to kiss him again, almost forgetting why I'd come here in the first place. To yell at him for being such a dumbass. It was all clearly more than just his involvement in Shisui's death, and at least I'd addressed his personal issues, but there was still the problem of him killing. This time, I lingered, thoughts flooding my mind that I didn't want there, but I had to talk about it now before it was too late. I sat up, straddling him, and Itachi lifted himself onto his elbows, watching me curiously. With a slow exhale, I gathered myself and said, "I will love you through everything."

"Everything?" Itachi repeated, clearly skeptical.

"Everything," I affirmed with a stern nod.

His charcoal eyes followed my every move after that, like if he didn't catch the tiniest itch or the smallest sneeze, I would fade away before his eyes.

-o-

Existing in the Uchiha clan became difficult for Itachi after that. People turned him into an antagonist because it had been Shisui's job to keep an eye on Itachi due to his strange behavior. I saw less of it than the others because Itachi was the same with me, for the most part, and treated me with special attention as he probably did his brother who I still wasn't able to meet.

I gave up on ANBU, content with being a jounin for the time being, so that argument quickly went extinct between us. His parents still viewed me as a special girl, torn between hoping that I could change Itachi back into the person he once was and worrying about me being influenced by their son. Mikoto was happy to have a daughter and I learned more from her than the hags who tried to push their ways on me.

Sometimes I used a visit as an excuse to catch a glimpse of Itachi's younger brother, who was really quite adorable from what little I saw and heard.

Our life went on like this, but not for very long. Over the next few weeks, I had located my mother's grave and went to give her flowers for the first time, as it had been kept from me until Itachi used his position to help the search. He even came with me to the grave.

Stepping through weeds, I ended up getting poison ivy which he healed with amazing proficiency.

"I didn't know you were a medic," I said.

When he stood back up to my level, he smirked. "I'm not." Then he led the way, since he'd seen a map and knew exactly where it was located.

Unlike my father's grave, my mother's was decorated with wreaths and pretty lettering on the headstone. It showed that there was a woman lying there. Her name was different from what I heard my father use. He always called her Yukahime but the name on the stone just read Yuka. My eyes flickered to Itachi nervously, wondering if this was the right grave, and he nodded. What I had always assumed to be her full name was really him calling her a princess. Such tenderness from that cold man made my heart stop, but I didn't know what emotion had caused it.

I set the vase down at the head of her grave and stepped back. Itachi's hand slipped into mine, giving me courage, and I finally let my emotions run free.

"If… if you can hear me, it's okay that you left me so early. I forgive you for leaving me at the hands of that man, because I'm a stronger person because of it!" Those were the words I'd wanted to tell her for so long. A weight lifted from my heart, letting it breathe more freely, but there was more.

"Of course, I was sad. I cried whenever I got one of your snow globes and dream catchers because it would never be you giving them to me. And when I found out they weren't even yours, they were just random trinkets my father bought at the market on his way home, well…" My hand clutched Itachi's harder. "That was a huge blow. I didn't think I had any connection to you left, but then I look into the mirror and since I don't see any of my father in me, I must look just like you."

"I wish you could have been the one teaching me tea ceremonies and how to put on a yukata, but it's okay like this. Itachi-kun's mother, Mikoto-san, can do those things. So don't worry about me. I'm happy." Leaning my head on Itachi's shoulder, I smiled. "And okaa-san, this is Itachi-kun. I love him."

"She is in good hands," Itachi said softly. I turned my smile up at him, a tear escaping my eye. He looked alarmed but I laughed, assuring him that it was a happy tear, and I went up on my tip-toes to kiss him.

"Let's go," I said, carefully avoiding the poison ivy this time. Leaving the cemetery, Itachi was oddly quiet. I let him be, thinking that he probably felt strange visiting my mother's grave, and only questioned him when he started on the path to walk me home. "Is something on your mind?"

"Yes," he answered easily, keeping his eyes forward, "but can you wait until we get to your house?"

Quelling my curiosity, I nodded. Sometimes, Itachi needed his space or I would get nothing out of him for a very long time. Since the day I confronted him about Shisui, I hadn't been afraid of him like he expected me to be. I was just trying to steer him in the right direction, and in turn, he smiled a little more around me. He hadn't been this quiet for a while and I almost forgot how to deal with it, but it was Itachi. I couldn't forget a single thing about him even if I tried.

Arriving at my door, I was about to turn to him and say thank you when he unexpectedly pushed the door open and walked inside, looking back at me as if to ask, "Are you coming?" Confused, I followed him in, shutting the door without paying attention to it because Itachi was walking down the halls, searching for something. My eyes widened when he found it — my room.

Itachi beckoned me over and I padded barefoot over to my doorway. He was already inside, sitting on my bed, kicking his shoes off.

"Itachi… kun?"

His hands went to his shirt, yanking it over his head by reaching behind and pulling it forward, like a guy.

"Itachi-kun!" I gasped, now completely dumbfounded.

Shirtless, Itachi paused and looked up, eyes glossed over like he hadn't even realized I was there. Then he calmly walked over to me, sliding his hands under my shirt to feel the skin underneath. I was frozen by the shock, though I didn't mind the feeling of his warm hands traveling up my side until they were on my breasts at which point I sucked in a sharp breath and backed away quickly.

"What are you doing?" I hissed, curling my arms around my waist to hold my shirt in place.

Black eyes surveyed me but not so darkly that I was afraid. In fact, I liked the soft smile on his lips, the reassuring gaze that flowed over my body. Even though I was feeling incredibly self-conscious, Itachi made me feel like I was just right and perfect for him. He crossed through the doorway to latched onto one of my wrists and he threw me easily inside the room. Stumbling, I fell towards the bed, unable to stop him from closing and locking the door.

"There's no one else here…"

"I know," Itachi responded smoothly, walking over to me. I was still sitting on the bed, tracking him with huge eyes. Without my hands to stop him, Itachi easily slipped my shirt off, using my lack of preparedness to complete this action. I let out a small yelp, immediately covering my chest, but he held both of my arms down on the bed, hungrily grazing my exposed body with his eyes.

Then, lifting them back up to me, he lost the lust and replaced it with a loving gaze. "I love you."

"I love you, too… But are you sure?" I whispered, my breath quickening.

His jaw clenched and unclenched, so subtle that only I who paid such careful attention to his smallest habits could notice, and he nodded, diving in for a kiss like I'd never felt before. So full of need, demanding every bit of my devotion to be leaked into this one kiss. Kisses like that continued as he moved us into a good enough position that we could begin the act that should be done between husband and wife. I figured we were close enough, and I couldn't deny the desperate look in his eyes.

Not desperate in the sort of way that a hormonal, teenage boy who only thought about sex would be. Itachi was definitely not that sort of person. He was probably the last one anyone would think was a sleazy type of guy, even though he could've easily lured any woman into his bed. I'd really gotten lucky with him, this opinion intensified when he showed himself to be skilled in more ways than just being a ninja.

My gasps of pleasure filled the room, leaving him feeling satisfied that he could make me feel so good, and the intensity of it all washed over me in waves until I was numb from the extreme bliss. I couldn't understand, at the time, why he needed this so badly, but I willingly gave it to him. There was no one else I could've imagined giving myself up to so completely. I could only hope that he enjoyed it as much as I did.

Afterwards, my room bathed in the red glow of the setting sun, we lay there lazily, so tired that our conversations were murmurs of love and mostly unrelated sentence after sentence.

I didn't know that his thoughts then were along the lines of, _If there has to be a first and a last, this was perfect._

-o-

It was no coincidence that the massacre happened the night before I was meant to return from a mission. We'd completed our task early and, after reporting, headed our separate ways. No one could hear the screams and death of the Uchiha clan in our compound so far from the rest of the village unless they were right there in front of it. Most people didn't find any reason to pass in front of the Uchiha estate if they could avoid it, so no one would know of the massacre until the next day.

I was frozen stiff at the entrance. Closing my eyes, the smell of blood became stronger, the shrieks louder, and everything stopped making sense. Gathering my wits, I went over the wall because opening the gate would've attracted unwanted attention and kept to the edges of the compound. Those at the front where I'd entered were already dead, the killings moving back towards the other end where screams still echoed eerily in the night.

Stealthily, I crept along the inside wall of the estate, trying to locate and identify our intruder. I desperately hoped that Itachi hadn't returned tonight from that important mission he said he was going on. His brother was usually out at this hour, so I also hoped that I wouldn't find Sasuke's body among all the dead. If Itachi's younger brother was still on Uchiha property, I would abandon his stupid request that we don't meet and find him. Itachi would not be able to handle that loss.

The time I'd spent being as quiet as possible while leaping from shadow to shadow, avoiding the light of the incredibly bright full moon, had been enough for the attacker to finish off the last scream.

Silence reigned. My heart sank to the pit of my stomach, fear crawling through my veins. Everyone? Everyone was dead? Every last Uchiha and I couldn't raise a_ fucking_ _hand_ to stop_ any_ of it?

_Please let Itachi be okay,_ I begged to whatever god could hear my pleading then. _Please let him be okay. Please let Itachi be alive. Please, at least Itachi…_ Frightened tears slipped through my squeezed-tight eyes and I bit my lower lip until it bled, needing to stay as quiet as I could in order to even have a chance at escape. My back to the side of a house around the middle of the estate, I peeked around a corner to the dark alley that separated the house and the wall that went around the whole property.

Breathing softly, I started to shimmy around the corner, inhaling sharply when a human figure popped out of nowhere and hung upside down from the overhanging roof. In the darkness, I could only see the glint of his sharingan out of the corner of my eye. That contact was enough for him to suck me into his mangekyou, and I felt bile rise in the back of my throat. An Uchiha had done this?

"My, you're a pretty girl," the man's voice said smoothly, choosing to be shielded in darkness so I couldn't see anything but his silhouette. "Shame."

The swords came from all directions, slicing into every part of my body, and I was strong enough not to scream at first.

"That's interesting," he crooned, making the swords twist around in my abdomen just to test me, and I screamed over and over, desperately keeping at least my tears locked away. "Since you're the last one, I'm going to…"

And it all dispersed. The man disappeared from the roof, and now there was a different man in front of me. But that voice was still coming from the rooftop, and I pushed through the haze of leftover pain to hear him say, "You better have a damn good reason for stopping my fun, Itachi."

"Itachi?" I croaked. Examining the man in front of me closer, I still couldn't see much, but I knew this was Itachi. The outline matched perfectly. My heart stopped. "What are you…" No more words could get by the lump in my throat. I'd been so worried for him! Yet… It seemed like he was just fine…

"She's my lover. Let me play with her one last time."

"Oh?" The other man chuckled darkly. "Very well, but don't disappoint me."

After the other man left, Itachi stared at me and captured me in his mangekyou, something I'd never seen before. Was this the result of him killing his best friend?

Out of the dark, his voice, which was a sort of wispy sound, solidified into actual words. "Can I explain?"

He hadn't been there and now, as he spoke, my eyes snapped to Itachi's face. It was an impassive mask that told me in that second that what I saw out there was truly his doing. My mind struggled to understand this on my own but I couldn't, so I nodded, swallowing my nervousness. This was Itachi, after all. I was safe now, even if I was tied up to a cross in his mangekyou sharingan where I could easily be hurt or… or killed.

Itachi got straight to the point without wasting time. "After the Kyuubi's attack, the council elders blamed the Uchiha. That's why we live so far apart from the rest of the village. You probably haven't heard of it because you're so close to me and no one trusted me these days, but the Uchiha were planning a coup d'état. I was a double agent in the ANBU, feeding each side information. I wasn't careful enough and my father noticed that I was acting strange."

"That's why you two had a falling out?" I muttered, not trusting my voice to be any louder.

"Yes."

"…why? Why betray the Uchiha?"

"Think about it logically," he pressed, eyes innocently wide like I'd never seen them before. A light reflected off his mangekyou, making him seem even more earnest. I bit my lip, resolving to hear him out because I had promised to be with him no matter what, even after he'd killed his best friend, and out of all the people who might've once listened to him, there was only me left, or maybe two if Sasuke was still alive, but he wasn't here now.

"If the Uchiha revolt, that would cause mass chaos within the village, and then the other Hidden Villages, seeing it as a weakness, would take it as a chance to attack, thus causing the next Ninja World War." His eyes went cold and a chill blew through the world, producing a bone-deep shiver from my body. I felt the coldness all over, and he said in a low voice, "I have already seen war. If this is the only way… then I will massacre the Uchiha clan for the sake of thousands more lives."

"Even your brother?" I asked cautiously, slowly coming to an understanding of Itachi's thought process. While I didn't know everything or if there was any way for peace without so much cold-blooded slaughter, if this was what Itachi truly believed to be the only way, the least I could do was show that I was not afraid and would continue to stay by him until our last moments together. Seeing this in me, he risked untying me from the cross.

"My brother… will not die," he admitted hesitantly, and he looked at me, imploring me to understand. I couldn't quite grasp the meaning behind this intense gaze until he went to tell me, "But you will have to."

"Wh-why?" I stammered, stunned. My eyes opened wide, staring at Itachi in horror. "Why kill me and not your brother? Was he always that much more important?" Voice rising in volume, I cringed at the anger it held as well as the hurt that stabbed Itachi's heart visibly. His face twisted unhappily.

"Please… Understand… My brother must live. But you? I cannot leave you alone in this dark world with so many dangerous people who will want your eyes, especially when I am not around to protect you. Sasuke will become strong enough and then take my eyes so that he will be strong enough to survive in this warring, hate-filled world."

"Wouldn't it be better to kill him, then?" I demanded shakily, but Itachi shook his head.

"I can't do that. I can't save both of you."

The tears the slipped soundlessly from the corners of Itachi's eyes were no illusion. I gasped, panic bubbling up to a point where it was overflowing, and my chest constricted. I fell forward to my knees, breathing as if an elephant was sitting on me, and Itachi rushed forward. He grasped my shoulder, calling my name, asking what was wrong, but it was all so far away and hazy. My everything had spun out of control.

Why, Itachi? I wanted to scream.

Why do the Uchiha have to be so prideful?

Why does everything rely on you?

Why are you so kind and loving?

Why are you so selfless?

Why do you have to make the hardest decisions?

Why Sasuke over me? The last question hurt my heart the most, while all the others were less significant and mostly made my head hurt. I couldn't comprehend anything for several minutes, and I was just kneeling there, gasping, now with Itachi holding me securely to his chest, and once I found my answers, I started to calm.

You are the only one, Itachi, strong and brave enough to save the world at the steep price of your own clan.

And Sasuke? Well, that was easy when I put myself aside and thought of just them and the dark world he claimed we live in. I would never last, not as one of the last Uchiha with the sharingan. It was definitely true that the worst sort of people would be after me, and I was not strong enough to last. I knew the stories of the eternal mangekyou sharingan. With that, Sasuke would have a chance. And that other man? The pure darkness that overflowed from his pores had not escaped my attention. For Itachi to test the limits of a man like that was unimaginable.

If my sacrifice could let that boy live, then I would follow in Itachi's footsteps and be strong and brave and selfless for once in my life.

I lifted my now calm eyes to look into Itachi's which he changed to their usual charcoal black and I smiled, surprising him. "Just one last question," I said.

He nodded, brow furrowed. "Anything."

"Why did you never let us meet?"

"You and Sasuke?" At my nod, he considered the question for a moment and then took on a look of embarrassment. "I… did not want him to get too attached to you."

"Because you knew from the beginning that you would have to kill me one day?"

"No!" Itachi sucked in a sharp breath. "No, I always thought we would always have a life together, but… Things change. Truthfully, I did not want Sasuke to fall in love with you as well."

That… That was his reason? Jealousy? Somehow, the notion of Itachi having that sort of internal rivalry with his younger brother made me burst out into laughter and I leaned my forehead against his while my giggles died down and then I kissed him one final time, crying both happy and sad tears.

I cherished every moment I had with Itachi. We used to training as excuses to run into each other, thinking that it wasn't oh-so-obvious when we just happened to show up at the same training area at the same time almost every day. We used to talk by the river at sunset, or just skip stones. We used to develop our own jutsu, pouring our sweat and blood into everything we did. We rose to new heights because we had each other's support. Then we kissed by moonlight. We had dinners together. We laughed together and loved together.

And it was such a short life, but if I had to live it all over again, I'd still chose to be with Itachi. I'd still be born an unfit Uchiha if only so that I could use Itachi as motivation to gain strength and then one day meet him and have so many emotions run through me in so little time that it would have once been thought impossible.

We would be leaving each other now, and I didn't know if there was another life waiting for us on the other end, but I hoped for an ever-lasting world where it was just the two of us, loving together until the end of time.

"Make it quick," I whispered, smiling through my flow of tears, and Itachi held as straight a face he could while the tears seeped through his unwilling eyelids. When he opened his eyes, they had so much love that I could only be glad that it was the last memory I had of being alive.

Before the mangekyou world broke, I knew he wouldn't be able to live with the images of killing me, so to make it easier, I told him, "I forgive you. And I love you."

The blade slipped in, the world slipped sideways, and I was gone.

* * *

><p><strong>This story was actually a complete accident, starting out with one idea and somehow turning into this story about Itachi and his unnamed lover that Madara mentioned. I didn't name her in this, either, because I felt like I wouldn't be able to choose a good enough name for someone that Itachi loved. Now maybe it's because of the song I listened to while writing this, Change in the Neon Lights by Veil Veil Vanish, or because I'm the writer and I really got into her head, but I almost teared up at the end. So please, let me know what you thought of this piece. It took me about two days, once writing even until 6am, so a review would mean a lot to me. :) Thanks for reading!<strong>


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